I’ve been told my pain is heavy
maybe it’s trying to say the things my mouth
doesn’t know how to
maybe it’s trying to say the things I fear
nobody cares to hear
but I feel, too
more than I show
I hurt, too
in my bones
in places I didn’t know could hurt
places I didn’t know existed
deep
​
I’ve been told my pain is heavy
that it’s “difficult” to be around
that my silent hurting is louder
than if I were to scream it from the mountains
my pain is heavy
and loud
and sometimes threatens to crush my beauty
my light
my soul
but what good is my screaming if nobody comes
what good is my silence
or my tears
if all my calls go unanswered
- a cry for help
my self-love is not disrespectful
I will not feed your ego
to prove my love
because its appetite is too big
requires too much
and it would swallow me whole
and still be unsatisfied
my self-love is not disrespectful
my self-love is not selfish
it is self-preservation
it is a kindness
to a soul neglected
a refusal to be a quick-fix
to your never-ending hunger
I feel
my new favourite part of the day
becoming
that time betwixt worlds
the end of the night
the coming morning so faint
it’s only a feeling
before the light breaks
when the sound of dew drops forming
gentle as baby’s breath
mingles with starlight
as the trees creak slowly open
stretching their branches
before the first birdsong
there
when the veil lifts
do I find peace
beauty
love
truth
when your catalyst appears
do not run
embrace it
kiss it
weep for it
rejoice in it
surrender to it
dance in agony
and ecstasy
for it does not come in peace
it comes in the building and destruction
of monuments
it comes in tears
it comes in pain
it comes in hard truths
and earthquakes
in devastation
in blessings disguised
as loss
it comes in love
but you’ve never seen love before
so you hardly recognize it
when it walks in